Pancho's Secret Secret

I wish I had known it years ago. That cats have a secret, I mean. But if you think about it, you can see it on their faces, can’t you? It’s just the secret that you don’t know and sometimes you will never find out.

To start with, I used to think that Pancho was such an ordinary cat, although I have always thought that he is very clever. Somehow he manages to make himself perfectly well understood, even without speaking. He purrs when he is happy and meows when he is hungry. He rubs himself on people’s legs to say hello and he stands and waits at the kitchen door to say goodbye. But there really is nothing extraordinary about him to make anyone think he is different to all the other cats. And then one day, I made an astonishing discovery when I found out Pancho’s secret and realised that he is no ordinary cat after all, You see, Pancho is a – pirate.

I was quite surprised to discover it myself as you can imagine, probably as surprised as you are now. But then I thought it is quite obvious really and I don’t know why I didn’t realise before. After all, he sleeps for hours in the day – always in the most comfortable and warmest place he can find - and then disappears all night for no reason. Or at least, so it seemed.

I stumbled across Pancho’s secret late one evening. I had been for a long walk, much longer than I had expected, and was returning along the old path down by the sea. The moon was very bright and the air felt all warm and still like a comfortable coat around me, and so I didn’t feel in any hurry to get back home. In fact, I was enjoying the evening so much that I had sat down on a large rock to look at the moon shining on the sea and making the ripples on the water shimmer like silvery ribbons. It was then I heard a strange noise nearby and so I set off to discover where and what it was.

First of all, I noticed a narrow little track which I had never seen before despite having walked that way many times. As I said, it was only very narrow and it had long grass either side of it, but I followed it anyway as I could still hear the strange noise- something like a grunting and a grating at the same time. The path turned a sharp corner to the left and I thought it was going to finish, but actually instead it opened out into a little clearing. To my surprise, there in front of me was a tiny cave, no higher than the height of a very small child. But it wasn’t the cave itself which made me gasp, it was what was coming out of it. It was a sight I shall never forget, I can tell you.

A black shape, I didn’t know what it was at first, was edging its way out of the darkness of the cave slowly moving its way towards me and the path where I had just come from. So, it was this that had been making the grating sound as it crunched over the gravel on the ground. The strangely familiar grunting sound continued as the shape edged further toward me. In the better light, I could then see that the dark shape was in fact a very small wooden boat, all painted black, complete even with a black mast and sail. And behind the boat, pushing and grunting, there appeared a cat!

At first I didn’t recognise the cat, particularly as it was stood up on its back legs, pushing the boat with its front legs and with its head down so I couldn’t see its face. And, after all, I have never seen a cat wearing clothes before – well, who has - and this particular one appeared to be wearing a disguise. He was dressed in a smart pair of bright blue trousers which finished just below the knee and a white shirt with long, billowy sleeves. The shirt I might just mention was a little torn and dirty which spoilt his otherwise exciting appearance. He had shiny black shoes with a large golden buckle, though these too now had a good covering of dust on them. Around his head, he wore a crimson scarf tied in a knot at one side and a large silver ring swung from one ear. Across his chest, he wore a wide brown leather belt, again with a large golden buckle to fasten it and from this hung a dangerous looking sword.

Suddenly, the cat noticed that I was there and his head shot up in a startled look. A green slanted eye looked at me scarily while the other eye remained hidden under a black patch.

Well, we sort of recognised each other at the same time, not without a little bit of shock I have to say.

‘Pancho, is that you?’ I asked in a faltering voice.

He dropped to his four feet then and pulled the eye patch off so we could see each other better.

‘I guess the game’s up then,’ he said.

‘Whatever are you doing?’ I wanted to know.

Pancho took a few deep breaths, he really had been puffed out, and said, ‘Come on, you can give me a hand here. I’m a bit late tonight and I’ll miss all the action unless I get out to sea very soon. You can come with me if you want,’ and he pulled the eye patch back on again, adjusting it with a satisfied, ‘there!’

I didn’t want to miss out on the ‘action’ as he called it and so I hurried behind the boat to help him push (although I did wonder if it wouldn’t be easier to just pick it up). We quickly got it down to the beach and Pancho jumped into the boat with a laugh.

‘Hah, hah,’ he called out, grinning at me, the ring now swinging dizzily from his ear. ‘You can get your feet wet for a change. I hate getting wet!’

Well, I pushed the boat into the water and awkwardly climbed in which made it roll from side to side in a giddy way. I did think we could just capsize right there and then at the waters edge and how silly we would look. This was definitely a cat sized boat and not really made for anything much bigger. Pancho had already got the sail up almost before I had managed to squeeze in - with one leg either side of the mast - and we were off.

‘Raise the flag, matey,’ he told me with a cheeky wink, showing me which rope to pull on. I did what he told me as he seemed to know an awful lot about sailing, well for a cat anyway. It wasn’t until I had got it fully up to the top of the mast that I saw the flag had a drawing of a skull and crossbones on it – the dreaded Jolly Roger, flag of pirates!

The wind had picked up a little by now and had filled the sail which I noticed looked remarkably like a pillowcase I used to have. I could then see we were making for a small bay where a few fishing boats were anchored up doing night fishing.

‘Is that where we are heading Pancho?’ I wanted to know.

But Pancho was concentrating on steering the boat, not helped by having such a large extra weight in it and just said, ‘You’ll see.’

It must have been no more than 15 minutes later when we reached the fishing boats although it felt like a lot longer as I was so cramped and feeling uncomfortable.

‘No talking now,’ Pancho said quietly, ‘only whispering. They mustn’t hear us.’

We swung alongside one of the boats, me still with no real idea what was going to happen, and Pancho expertly tied our little boat to the big one so we didn’t drift away from it. He put a claw to his lips to remind me to stay quiet and indicated that I should stay where I was. Then he slipped his shoes off and, with his usual cat agility, leapt soundlessly on board the boat high above us. I couldn’t imagine what he could be doing on that boat, I only knew that I was now cold, a little wet and quite worried about being on board a pirate boat, even or especially when the captain was a cat.

After some time, I heard a tiny meow sound and looked up to see Pancho stood on the wooden rail of the boat above. Over his shoulder he had a huge sack of some thing or things that were wriggling wildly inside and drip, drip, dripping onto the deck. When he threw the sack down to me and it landed on my lap, I discovered that not only was it wet and wriggly but it smelt quite a lot too, and decidedly fishy at that. Pancho quickly leapt down after the sack, flourishing his sword as he flew threw the air, untied us and we were off again, once more into the silent night.

I can’t say that the trip back was the most pleasant I have ever had as the fishy water seeped into my now cold and wet trousers, but at least Pancho had more time to tell me how he came to be a pirate. It seems that one day on his travels; he had discovered the hidden path and the secret cave. Out of curiosity, and you know that cats have plenty of that, he found an old box sitting at the back of the cave hidden from view by branches, twigs and dry old leaves. At first he thought it was just a box that somebody didn’t want any more and had just left there. And then he noticed that there was some writing on it which he thought he could probably read.

Well, I didn’t know that Pancho could read actually, and it was certainly a night for surprises (although he did tell me that he is not very good at reading words much harder than ‘cat’). I had to remind him to get back to the story and tell me what the words said, if he could. It seemed to me that Pancho had a smile on his face as he told the story, but cats have such a smiley face anyway, they always look quite pleased with themselves. But the story made me smile, and that’s for sure.

Apparently, once Pancho had cleared the branches and so on away with a careful paw, he read the words ‘Private Property.’ Now, Pancho is one of the most curious cats I know, always looking in, on and under things that really have nothing to do with him. And so it didn’t surprise me one bit that he decided he would have to investigate further. On getting the lid open, he saw inside the strangest collection of items.

First of all he found a large shiny ring in the box which looked rather like a curtain ring. He examined it carefully, wondering what its real use could be. Then he took out a crimson cloth with a knot in one corner which also didn’t have an immediately obvious purpose. Then he took out a brown leather belt (which was far too large for his own waist so didn’t seem to be practical at all). And after that, out came a circle of black elastic which looked like it would probably fit over his head, should he want it to. And strangely enough it seemed to have a circle of something stuck to it which anyone but Pancho would have mistaken for a leaf. Then he came to the best bit – a dangerous looking stick.

He replaced everything carefully back in the box and slowly walked three times around it, thinking hard what all this could mean. When he had finished thinking hard and had come to a decision, he nodded his head and blinked slowly. Someone had obviously made a serious mistake when writing the words on the box. It was now obvious to him that the words should have said ‘Pirate Property’ and not ‘Private Property’ at all. And what is more, it wasn’t a box anyway – it was a SEA CHEST - and this was pirate booty, if ever he saw it.

With a sudden shock, he now realised that he was in terrible danger should the pirates return. He shut the lid as fast as he could and high-tailed it right out of the cave and straight back up to the house for safety. He told me that he slept on his discovery for a few days and then decided he would go back to the cave and see if any of the pirates had returned for their things. When he found that there was nothing but his own paw prints around the chest, he felt nervous and exciting but was keen to examine the contents yet again. Yes, there it all was just as before: a pirate ear-ring, a crimson head cloth, an eye patch, and a brown leather shoulder holster from which to hang the Dangerous Looking -SWORD!

He decided to go back to the house again for an especially long sleep which would give him time to make a plan. After he had slept and eaten and then slept some more, he decided on what he felt was an obvious plan and was ready to put it into action. The time had come to raid the Junior Woodwork Kit he had seen at the house. This would give him all he needed for Part I of The Plan.

Night after night he went back to the cave taking with him only a small piece of cheese with a couple of biscuits wrapped up in a cloth for essential night nibbles, plus the Junior Woodwork Kit. Every night he sawed, hammered, chopped, knocked and nailed until the sun came up and he returned home for his day’s sleep. And by the end of the week, he had turned the old sea chest into a brilliant and beautiful black boat (albeit it small), ready for Captain Cat to sail her. Hah, Hah!

Part 2 of the plan – certainly the most dangerous - could now be put into action. He would have to somehow cunningly raid the box of clothes up at the house that was kept for the little people that lived there. Dolls or something he thought they were called. Surely, there he could find something to complete the pirate outfit. Luckily he found the shoes almost straight away and amazingly they were quite a good fit even if they did pinch his toes a little. He had to search right through the box looking for some red trousers but couldn’t find any even though he took out the entire contents and spread them over the floor just to make sure. So he had to make do with bright blue ones which finished at the knee, although they were not entirely to his liking. But he was particularly pleased with the white shirt with billowing sleeves which made him feel that he would probably be one of the most handsome cat pirates in existence.

There was now only Part 3 to go which he was looking forward to least of all. He would now have to creep into the library and borrow a book which he thought would probably be named something like ‘Learn how to sail in a Weekend.’

Luckily there were lots of pictures in the book – Pancho told me that he doesn’t usually choose a book if it doesn’t have at least a few pictures in it – and by the Monday morning, he felt he had enough information on sailing. Not to sail around the world in a multi-hull, multi-sail, multi-everything type of yacht of course, but more than enough for the mission he had in mind.

I was fascinated to hear Pancho’s remarkable story made all the more wonderful because I had always assumed that he did nothing much other than sleep and eat. However, I felt I had to point out to him that being a pirate was quite unfair to the fisherman. That was after all how they earned their money to buy food for themselves their wives and their children. What he was doing was basically stealing.

‘Stealing!’ he said. ‘Pah, my dear! I am simply finding the fish a new and grateful home – with me and my friends.’

Well, once we got home, I had a much needed wash and change of clothes and we both enjoyed an excellent fish supper. Then Pancho and I sat down to talk over the subject for the rest of the evening until we were both feeling quite sleepy. In the end Pancho agreed that he didn’t really want to rob the fishermen, he was simply trying to get some fresh fish without having to go fishing himself. And he assured me that now he thought about it, he felt quite badly about it all. I promised him that I would visit the fresh fish shop more often, at least once a week, and choose him a nice drippy, slippy, sloppy fish and he agreed not to go on any more pirate raids. And once that was decided, Pancho curled up, wrapped his tail around himself so that he was in a tidy circle, and closed his eyes. And as I sat there, alone with my thoughts, I looked down at the little pirate on my knee and wondered what on earth he would dream up next.

Well since that all happened, I have tried to find the narrow little path that led to the tiny cave again but the long grass must have grown over it because I can’t find it anymore.
I have asked Pancho on a couple of occasions what actually happened while he was on the boat. Had he been in very great danger? And do you know what? He won’t say a word on the subject, or any subject for that matter. He just smiles back at me as if he doesn’t know what I am talking about.

But that doesn’t fool me anymore. I have learnt a lot about Pancho recently and now I can tell just from the look on his face. Yes, I had a funny feeling that it wouldn’t be too long before he had another secret. Now, I just need to be ready for …. Anything!