Bobby

Everyone in my high school choir liked Bobby. It was impossible not to like his good attitude and the positive vibe he emitted. Bobby knew he was never going to be a soloist or hit the notes correctly, but that never phased his enthusiasm.

Every morning he would stand in the corner and sing proudly with a smile on his face. Even at seven AM, while the majority of us were all groggy and cranky, he was upbeat.

On a few of the early mornings, when I was particularly exhausted, I would glance at him out of the corner of my eye, in awe of his beaming grin and energy. As the school year continued, I stopped looking to see his face. I didn’t have to look to know he was smiling. Had I known my mornings with Bobby would be coming to an end- I wouldn’t have stopped.

It was a dull Thursday, like any other, with all of us dragging ourselves through the halls, wishing it were Friday instead. I sat in science class, forcing myself to stay awake during a monotonous lecture about the solar system. That’s when the announcement came over the intercom that made time stand still:

‘We are deeply saddened to announce that arrangements are being made for Bobby Kuhr, anyone wishing to contribute to the family may leave their donation in the office.’

At first, everyone sat in silence, too shocked to say a word. It was as if we had all chosen to neglect our hearing. Arrangements? Why were arrangements being made?

In the middle of the confusion, one of the main teachers in the special education program entered and said the words that confirmed my worst fears “Bobby died.”

For a brief moment, I was hoping that if I never heard those words, it couldn’t be true. Some students cried, others sat in shock and a few asked ‘who was Bobby?’ Perhaps they had stopped looking just as I had.

The next morning, I spent my eighteenth birthday learning the lyrics that would be sung at his funeral. It didn’t seem fair- Bobby and I had both been born in the same year, but his life ended so soon before mine. I felt guilty that I had been given another birthday and year in my life when his had been taken away.

He had always dealt with medical conditions, and it wasn’t a secret that he was a little bit different than the rest of us. He was special and in an attempt to help correct his health complications through various medications, his body had become overpowered by the strong drugs. It still seems hard to believe that Bobby’s heart could ever stop beating, he had a bigger heart than those of us who were considered ‘normal’.

Just as I no longer looked at him in class, I didn’t look at him in his casket when our choir sang at his funeral. I refused to see Bobby without being able to see a smile on his face. I was told that he was buried in his high school jacket and choir shirt. The school that I dreaded coming to every day and the class I struggled to stay awake through in the morning were two of the many things that made Bobby smile. Through our tears, the choir sang about angels, hoping that Bobby could hear us now that he was one of them.

As months passed and winter turned to spring, I never really accepted or understood that Bobby was gone. I believed that he had just transferred to another school and was singing with a different choir now. It wasn’t until the end of the year, when I had to perform a solo, that I realized Bobby had truly left us.

I sang my solo and put all of my heart into it. And when I finished, the class clapped, but something was missing- someone was missing. Bobby wasn’t there, staring up at me with his sparkling eyes and big grin.

When I returned to my seat, I glanced out of the corner of my eye, and foolishly hoped that he would sit at the end of the row. I only saw an empty chair.

I have now graduated and begun my college classes; but one of the greatest lessons I have ever learned came from the boy who sang without care and always wore a smile on his face.

Life is full of ups and downs and you know never what lies ahead when you wake up in the morning. You have just got to put a smile on your face and be thankful that you are awake.